I received a confirmation email today from Florestral, letting me know they had one space left open for this weekends ceremony. As always, it seems that the things that are coming always come.
I feel ready and eager to undertake whatever this weekend is going to be, and in some ways I feel like there won’t be any coming back from it. like I’ll unlock something that can’t be caged again. And I know whatever it is, it will be good.
I can already feel a distance between myself and Chicago. It hit me earlier how it would sound to anyone there that the toads of Costa Rica were telling me I’m on the right path. But I really think they might be.
There’s still a lot of elements of myself I’m carrying with me. Fears I think I’ve conquered or coping mechanisms utilized. Like distraction. And food. I could distract myself for years on end before I sit down and truly dig. And maybe I have.
I’m hoping this weekend brings me some deeper insights into myself and my place in the universe, as well as clearing up what my path may be. I think my future often feels cloudy because my past feels so intangible. So maybe connecting with my childhood will give me a better understanding of who I am. Who I can be. And how to bridge the gap between the worlds of my life.
I’d like to deeper explore my connection to all living things, my loved ones, animals, plants. I feel like I’ve started dipping deeper into my understanding of all of that, but part of me keeps it at arms length.
I want to know what’s on the other side of the precipice.